I’m sorry for the selfishness
the biting words, the
apathy
I’m sorry for caring way too much
but not telling you the truth
about it
I’m sorry that you find yourself
in a tougher spot
than you wanted to be
I’m sorry that I don’t know
the right thing to do
now
turning over a new leaf
is hard in the dead of winter
trees are bare and I can’t
bear the unforgiving nature
of the snow, the branches, and
of her.
I’m trying.
I wonder if it
will come to a choice, and
if you will choose
me
you probably shouldn’t
I probably don’t
deserve it
but I wish you would.
All I can say now
is that I can’t go back
there aren’t time machines
yet
of course, you know that
but do you know the
regret that packs my insides
like the suitcases I’ve already prepared
for the day I have to leave
maybe I write poetry to
deal with the fact
that I’ve destroyed my
prized possessions
which always live and breathe
how can you think that my expensive laptop
or scrapbooks
or any physical thing could be
more important than
you and me
?
I’m not sure
what else I have to say
besides that I’m sorry
for the selfishness,
the biting words, the
apathy
and I can’t bring myself to ask
scared of what the answer
will be
but I wish down
deep inside
that you would stay.