9. Anger
in my dreams I wouldn’t slam on my brakes
I would ram right into that horrible driver
in front of me
and wouldn’t get hurt
and wouldn’t pay
and would get my revenge
of course, in real life
I just scream and slam
on my brakes
and feel like there’s
boiling water in my throat
IDIOTS
it’s crazy how much anger can be
contained in a little body
in a bloodstream, a stomp
a fist that’s not strong enough to express
the feeling
getting passed on the interstate
when I’m going 10 over
when I know the darkest depths of a heart
but they smile with a deep facade
I want to throw up and then
tackle them to the ground
often I find myself
in a crowded room where the noise is too loud
to breathe
I feel like I’m shouting and no one
is listening to me
but I have valuable things to say
I have talent, and I have worth
I swear to you,
I do
when they misunderstand I can’t
find a way to
express how incredibly
unfair
it is
just love me,
already
anger is a feeling fueled by
injustice
it dwells in the drama
it basks in the movie-like run-through-the-rain
breaking-glass-beer-bottles
screaming-at-loved-ones
it’s just so UNFAIR
that a veteran who lost his legs
for me
is starving on the interstate exit
and so UNFAIR
that the man at the next exit
is lying about
his true state
it’s so messed up
that being all alone
makes me feel worthlessness
an unnecessary feeling that
could be avoided but
culture shoves it down my throat
with its Valentine’s Day pressure and its
lingerie sales and its
falsified love stories
and I’m sick
money makes me angry
that a piece of paper and some metal circles
can define a life
can cause stress enough to send me to
an asylum
anger is a thrill, too
I find it almost satisfying sometimes
screaming at someone I love
reminds me that I love them
in a roundabout way
they say that there’s a fine line between
hate
and love
and it’s true because
to scream you have to care
and I do.
of course, we scream too much
enough is enough
I could blame it on my demons or
your absolute oblivion
the baggage on my back or
your smile that covers up our problems
but really, we will walk away because
anger was the little devil in our brains
that told us all the wrong things to say.
biting words we know will bite
things I’m sure Ryan Gosling screamed at
some point
it gives us a rush,
keeps life interesting
being in love is too perfect
that’s no fun
[this is my problem]
in the end, anger makes me say
things I’m sure I believe fundamentally
but it’s like disappearing ink
and it’s too late to apologize
forgive me
for the things I never meant to say