seems pretty easy, really.
you never listen to me when
I speak or when I sing or
when I write you letters where I
pour out all the poetry my soul has ever had
like it’s been all boxed up deep inside
a hallway of colorful, locked up doors where all my
words and secrets hide
behind the yellow door my deepest fears
and blue holds all my insecurities
and red holds all the love I’ve ever owned and
ever dreamed about
and I pour it out
but you don’t get it.
It hurts a little bit,
a lot
I have to say
for all the years you’ve known me
and yet
you still ask me what I mean
by my heart’s truest colors
and colorful truths
my painful love
and loving pain
it’s like I’m speaking Greek or
some dead and rotting language
when I speak to you
I say it’s love and you
say it’s lust
I say it’s true and you say
I never knew you
it’s buried down deep and desperately
shoved away
the hurt in my blue eyes
when you say you don’t understand me
but what did I ever do
all the words I ever say to you are true and deep and all of me
and all of me isn’t enough
I can’t survive this mountain climb
and stormy nights where I lose my footing in
the torrent of your apathy
and then I see a misty light and live for that
and all the crying doesn’t matter if you smile at me for just a second
three hundred sixty four days of dying inside
and just one of life, a gasp of breath
kept me long enough
too long
lost in translation of
false interpretations and
searching for truth in a basket of lies
like searching for a second sock to match
the one you hold so tightly in your hand
it’s white, just like all the other socks in the basket
just like all the lies
but there’s no such thing as a lie that is white
because white is pure
and lies are dark and rot my soul
and yours too
you’d see
if you’d take the time to self-examine
and even learn one little thing
about yourself
or about me.
how to misunderstand:
don’t try
don’t care
punch holes in sincerity
stab hearts with words of steel and eyes of ice
and don’t look back when I
walk trance-like towards a different light
of warmth where maybe
someone else will really
see me.